


ride or die

by bapaldeul



Series: we shared a moment that will last till the end [7]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Friends With Benefits, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, backpacker turned accomplice daniel, i tried to insert some fluff, jihoon is a wanted criminal, or more like travelling partners with benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 17:38:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14502111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapaldeul/pseuds/bapaldeul
Summary: blurred lines, grey areas and a lot of running away from the police. (and their feelings)the au in which jihoon is a wanted criminal who is running away with backpacker turned accomplice kang daniel





	ride or die

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!
> 
> i am so excited for you guys to read this heh just note the tags and warnings although nothing is explicit here :D
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> do leave a comment at the end if you enjoyed it <3

Jihoon would describe himself as glass. Not just because he’s fragile. He’s pretty strong, physically and emotionally if you ask him. But because he looks shiny and pretty on the outside, until someone comes along and throws him onto the ground. Hard.

 

He just shatters.

 

And when glass shatters, even if you try your best to piece it back together, it will never be the same again. There’s always going to be cracks in the place where you broke it, no matter how hard you try. And just like the broken glass, Jihoon is never going to be fixed again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon stirs when he hears the crinkle of plastic bags, and wills himself to open his eyes. He’s been sleeping for a pretty long time, and he’s had a fairly good sleep. His arm instinctively reaches to his right, expecting to hit a warm body, but the bed is empty and cold.

 

He sits up, muscles still sore and his throat a little dry.

 

Daniel steps out of the tiny bathroom, with a fresh white shirt on. He still looks sleepy, with his hair sticking up in the strangest places, Jihoon almost allows himself to reach out to tame it.

 

“Good morning,” Daniel smiles softly. “I’m heading to the store downstairs. Do you want something? Breakfast?”

 

“I think I’m just going to sleep in,” Jihoon replies, already slipping back under the thin covers. They aren’t doing much to keep him warm, but that’s what you get in rundown backpacker hostels in a place away from the city. “Can you turn up the air-conditioner for me on the way out?”

 

Daniel gets right to his mission, turning up the temperature immediately for Jihoon. For a moment, Jihoon thinks he should follow Daniel down to the store. But it’s dangerous, and Jihoon doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries.

 

“Sleep tight,” Daniel says, placing his black hoodie on his place on the bed. “Use this if you’re still cold, okay?”

 

Jihoon doesn’t respond, and Daniel leaves the room soon enough. As soon as he hears the door clicking shut, Jihoon relaxes and takes the hoodie into his embrace. It smells like cigarettes and Daniel, so it helps him sleep, and forget about the world outside the walls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel would describe himself as a boat without an anchor, or a captain. Wherever the waves push him, he will go. He’s directionless, and satisfied with that. He doesn’t want to stop, be anchored to the ground.

 

He wants to keep moving, and never look back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The stairs creak as he treads down carefully, wincing with every step he takes. The receptionist doesn’t seem to hear him, she looks like she hasn’t slept for a week. Her eyes widen in shock when she recognises Daniel’s face – maybe it’s due to the fact that she remembers Daniel checking in yesterday at midnight.

 

It’s not strange at all. Until he requests for a single room for both Jihoon and himself. He’s used to it, and so is the other boy. But they still get strange stares every time they move onto a new dorm.

 

It’s not too cold today, but the wind is still strong. Daniel squints, and lowers his head while walking in the direction of the convenience store just down the road.

 

He stocks up on water and cigarettes, and even chewing gum just for the road.

 

Daniel hesitates when the cashier starts scanning his items wordlessly. At the last minute, he grabs a box from under the counter and hands it to the cashier, who just avoids his eyes. Daniel pays and leaves, a plastic bag hanging from his right arm.

 

On the way back, something from the opposite lane catches Daniel’s eye. His stomach grumbles at the heavenly smell of grilled skewered meat from a roadside stall.

 

He thinks of Jihoon, and how the boy would love to sink his teeth into this. Even though he’d said he was going to sleep in, there’s no way Jihoon is going to resist meat, right? Daniel’s jogging across the street even before he knows it, and starts walking back to the dorm with two bags in his arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon is still sleeping when Daniel returns, and he makes it a point to close the door softly. He takes a quick peek, and smiles when he sees his hoodie being embraced tightly in Jihoon’s arms. The boy looks so peaceful, Daniel can’t bear to wake him.

 

But the food is going to get cold, so Daniel makes his decision.

 

Softly, he gets onto the bed, his weight making the bed dip down on its side. Daniel tries playing with Jihoon’s hair to coax the other boy to wake up, but he doesn’t even stir. His eyes trail over to Jihoon’s stomach peeking out from his shirt, and his hands are slowly lifting up Jihoon’s shirt even before he can think twice.

 

The red and angry spots from last night have faded into a pretty purple, and Daniel is satisfied with the way they are spread out all over the boy’s soft and milky skin. He runs his fingers over them, worrying if he’d hurt Jihoon last night.

 

_That’s the last thing he wants to do._

 

“You were a little rough last night,” a voice takes Daniel’s attention away from Jihoon’s skin. Daniel chuckles, looking slightly abashed as he tugs Jihoon’s shirt down again.

 

Daniel leans in, short of kissing Jihoon, and just smiles while holding the other boy’s gaze.

 

They have a rule: _No kissing outside of sex._

 

“Did I hurt you?” Daniel asks.

 

“No,” Jihoon shakes his head, wrinkling his nose. _He’s so cute_ , Daniel unconsciously gushes internally. “It was okay,” Jihoon continues, patting Daniel’s arm to assure him or something. Jihoon breaks their eye contact first, and looks around to find the thing that has captured his attention instead.

 

“What is that wonderful smell?” Jihoon wonders aloud.

 

“And you said you don’t want breakfast,” Daniel chides. “I bought you some skewers for breakfast, go brush your teeth and eat it.”

 

Jihoon throws the covers off the bed, and rushes into the bathroom, looking more awake than ever. Daniel just shakes his head, and unpacks the skewers. He hears the water running in the bathroom, and sets out the bigger stick for Jihoon to eat.

 

“I’m here,” Jihoon announces, making a move on the skewers as soon as he exits the bathroom. There are no chairs in this tiny room, so Jihoon takes a seat on the bed, careful not to drop anything.

 

They always have moments in the morning like this, where the room is filled with only sounds of them chewing on their food. And somewhere in the middle, where their eyes meet, they share a knowing smile.

 

“I’m thirsty,” Jihoon says, finally breaking the silence. “Do we have water?”

 

Daniel cocks his head to the abandoned plastic bag next to Jihoon, not thinking much. Jihoon unwraps the plastic bag, and Daniel watches from the small counter they have, until he remembers that there is something inside there that Jihoon must absolutely not see.

 

“No! Wait-“ Daniel yells, rushing forward in an attempt to stop Jihoon, but it’s too late. The boy has emptied the bag containing two big bottles of water, a pack of cigarettes, and a roll of gum, and-

 

“ _Condoms_?” Jihoon says aloud, and from the smirk on his face Daniel knows that Jihoon knows that he absolutely did not mean for Jihoon to see that.

 

He can feel his face heating up as Jihoon examines the packet. Swiftly, Daniel grabs the box from Jihoon’s hands and throws it into his bag, never to be seen again. _Until next time_.

 

“We ran out,” Daniel offers softly as an excuse.

 

Why does Jihoon always do this to him? Making him so embarrassed and shy at the same time, even if there’s really nothing wrong with buying a pack of condoms because they really did run out of those last night.

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Jihoon still has that innocent expression written all over his face, going back to eating his skewer. Daniel starts to relax, goes back to packing his bag and hopes Jihoon is really going to leave this embarrassing behind them.

 

Until Daniel forgets he’s literally rooming with Satan’s spawn when he feels arms snaking around his back slowly. He freezes in his movements, not used to Jihoon showing his affection out of bed. Daniel flinches when he feels Jihoon’s hot breaths down his neck.

 

“You know,” he hears Jihoon whisper. “We could start on that new packet now.”

 

“Like hell you want to,” Daniel shakes him off, attempting to be as unaffected as possible. He can’t believe he’d allowed himself to raise his hopes – and think that Jihoon really had no ulterior motives when using physical affection on Daniel. “We have to check out soon.”

 

“Okay. Whatever you say,” Jihoon brushes it off like it’s nothing.

 

Suddenly, Jihoon presses a wet smooch on Daniel’s cheek. He stays in that spot for a moment, and smiles. Without saying anything else, Jihoon turns away, and starts to pack his own bag. Daniel hopes his ears aren’t red right now.

 

Daniel had wanted more.

 

Jihoon set the rules and established their boundaries, and Daniel obeyed.

 

What the fuck is he supposed to do if Park Jihoon is the one breaking his own rules?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon hadn’t planned for that to happen. At all. It was an impulsive decision, a kind of _“fuck it”_ choice he should have thought about carefully. Now he feels terrible, because he knows he’s playing with Daniel’s feelings.

 

Which makes him a really shitty person.

 

“Ready?” Daniel asks, and Jihoon finally turns around. Daniel is still smiling, like he always is. It’s so, so painful for them to pretend that they’re okay. Jihoon zips up his bag and puts on his mask.

 

“Yeah,” he nods, following Daniel out of the room.

 

The stairs creek on the way down, and Jihoon doesn’t miss the way the other occupants checking out at the reception counter gives them dirty looks. Yeah, if you didn’t want to stay at a place with thin walls you should have gone to an actual hotel instead, Jihoon thinks but instead, he lowers his head and avoids eye contact at all times, and lets Daniel do the talking for them instead.

 

The wind is strong when they step outside, but it’s always nice to have a breath of fresh air.

 

“Where do you want to go?” Daniel asks.

 

“Up to you,” Jihoon shrugs. Daniel is the expert, as Jihoon would expect from someone who has been preparing to run away from home his entire life.

 

Jihoon had never planned on running. He was forced to. And due to some… unexpected circumstances, he’s currently stuck on an adventure with the most unlikely partner. Not that he’s complaining – because Kang Daniel is his only source of laughter and entertainment.

 

And not just in _that_ way.

 

Jihoon isn’t stupid. He knows what liking someone feels like, of course he knows what falling in love with someone terribly is like. And he’s so in love with Daniel, it hurts him that they can be anything in the world – except lovers.

 

“You’ll follow me wherever I go?” Daniel teases.

 

_To the end of the world._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon knows he’s a little mad. Because he has only two happy memories he likes looking back on.

 

He doesn’t recall ever being allowed out of bedroom in his uncle’s basement, or having a full stomach. Jihoon has willed himself to forcefully forget that part of his life, but it never stops. The pain and the nightmares don’t stop even if he’s miles away from the basement.

 

Jihoon doesn’t recall making any friends at school, they all thought he was strange for refusing to be touched, even in the slightest. He’d learnt to be quiet at all times from the fear inflicted on him from home.

 

What he does recall – are the places he doesn’t like being touched. How he’d felt dirty and disgusted after his own aunt had laid her hands on him. He also recalls in which position he should curl himself up in to hurt the least when his uncle marches into the basement, soaked in alcohol, and holding a leather belt in his right hand.

 

Those are not the happiest memories.

 

_Happiness_ ; Jihoon felt that two months ago. When he’d smashed a glass bottle over his uncle’s head, and then driven the broken bottle into his sleeping aunt’s chest. He’d felt happy, relieved and free when they were both at his feet, not moving, and blood pooling wherever he’d hit them.

 

And the second happy memory Jihoon has is definitely his favourite of the two.

 

Meeting Kang Daniel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You’re so beautiful._

 

Daniel can’t help but think when he looks at the smaller boy walking beside him, avoiding the cracks on the ground like a child. He can never tell what Jihoon is thinking about, but at the very least, he looks happy.

 

The Park Jihoon now is worlds apart from the Park Jihoon he’d found crouching in a dark alley two months ago. Daniel’s heart wrenches when he thinks about how afraid Jihoon had looked back then, and how he’d backed into the corner when Daniel had approached him, wondering if he was okay, as if he’d expected Daniel to hurt him instead.

 

Daniel had left a bottle of water for Jihoon, and observed him from a distance away; something inside him telling him there’s no way he’s going to leave this boy to fend for himself.

 

When Jihoon drank the water, Daniel placed a bun between them, and waited again.

 

When Park Jihoon came into the light, it was almost as if Daniel was bewitched, probably by his gorgeous eyes.

 

He told Daniel his name, and his story. And Daniel saw his bloodied clothes.

 

Daniel was angry – why?

 

The people closest to Park Jihoon had broken him in ways he hated to think about. Daniel didn’t even hesitate for a second. He ran to the nearest clothing store, bought clothes he thought would fit Jihoon’s small frame.

 

Together, they lighted a fire and burnt all of Jihoon’s bloody clothes, and ran away to the nearest backpacker’s hotel. That night, Jihoon cried his eyes out and Daniel resolved: If the world was going to be unkind to them, he would do just the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I really didn’t mean ‘climbing a mountain’ when I said, ‘up to you’,” Jihoon confesses when they’re at the foot of a trail that seems to only go upwards. Jihoon already feels his muscles aching from the thought of climbing this beast but Daniel seems to look optimistic.

 

Daniel nudges Jihoon, and he almost falls over, if not for Daniel reaching out to grab his arm and break his fall. He glares at the other boy, and gets a sheepish smile in return.

 

“It’s not a mountain, you are _so_ dramatic,” Daniel whines. “It’s a hill. I guarantee you we’ll be at the top if you stop complaining and start climbing now. We could use a little fresh air, right?”

 

Jihoon huffs, remembering how he’d agreed to follow Daniel wherever he went. Plus, there aren’t a lot of people here. In fact, the place is almost empty, so Jihoon doesn’t have to worry about staying out of sight.

 

Even if he can relax for an hour and be himself, it’s enough. Maybe he shouldn’t have doubted Daniel.

 

“Fine,” Jihoon pretends to be a little annoyed because he’s not going to show Daniel that he’s opening up to his idea. He knows it’s his stupid ego showing but somehow, Jihoon feels like once he expresses his true feelings to Daniel, it’s going to be hard to go back. “Let’s go.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel makes a good hiking partner – he hums a tune Jihoon doesn’t recognise, but it’s still music to his ears. Over the two months, he’s gotten used to having Daniel, and only Daniel, walking beside him everywhere he goes.

 

They fall into their usual comfortable silence and Jihoon just takes the time to enjoy Daniel’s presence. He knows the time together they have is not infinite – there’s a ticking time bomb leading to their separation.

 

Jihoon wants to hold Daniel’s hand. Sadly, that is strictly out of the boundaries that Jihoon had set himself. Jihoon wants more than the sex, he wants to run his fingers through Daniel’s hair lovingly, and kiss him in the morning without any more than the intent of making Daniel smile.

 

But Daniel has already given up so much for Jihoon, and Jihoon can’t expect him to give up his heart too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel wonders if Jihoon ever feels Daniel’s heavy stares on him. Sometimes, he gets lost when looking at the other boy – because he’s too busy dreaming up scenarios that can never happen in real life.

 

They’re nearing the peak now, and to be honest, Daniel feels a little out of breath. But once in a while, he needs to get his heart pumping just to stay on track. After all, there’s no such thing as hitting the gym when you’re a backpacker.

 

The view isn’t as breath-taking as if you were to climb a mountain near a more densely populated area of the country. Beneath them are the trees that seem to stretch endlessly beyond the skyline. It’s still pretty, especially when you have someone to share this special memory with.

 

“Not too bad, right?” he teases Jihoon, who is already sitting down.

 

Jihoon shrugs, and Daniel takes that as his cue to take a seat next to Jihoon. His stomach rumbles, and he suddenly remembers what got him so inspired to go hiking instead of continuing his journey forward.

 

He digs through his huge backpack, and reveals two plastic bowls of Korean ramyun. Daniel mentally praises himself for remembering to boil water this morning, because there’s nothing more satisfying than eaten instant noodles a few hundred feet above the ground.

 

“Woah!” Jihoon exclaims, holding up the ramen packets like it’s treasure. “Where did you find these?”

 

“I went to the supermarket the other day and found these, isn’t it amazing? Having Korean food these days is a privilege, I tell you,” Daniel rambles, recounting how he had pondered over whether he should buy more, but decided against it when he thought he could spend the money on better things.

 

Jihoon helps him in pouring in the packet of condiments, muttering, “You could just return back to Korea, then.”

 

“No, not without you,” Daniel counters instinctively.

 

For a moment, Daniel thinks he sees a spark of hope flash across Jihoon’s eyes. Jihoon frowns, and Daniel’s heart drops because he knows exactly what Jihoon is going to say.

 

“Daniel…” Jihoon uses that tone that implies Daniel is this close to stepping out of line. And when Daniel steps out of line (he’s done it one too many times), Jihoon gets mad. Daniel doesn’t want their day to be destroyed just because of this, so he just leaves it.

 

“I know,” Daniel’s tone falls, obviously upset. “ _Boundaries_.”

 

“Okay,” Jihoon nods, getting the message. “Let’s just eat, alright?”

 

The noodles are soft just like Daniel remembers how he’d liked cooking them back home. And then he realises that he doesn’t have a home to return to anymore. With Jihoon, anywhere in this world is enough to be his home.

 

They enjoy their noodles and the view. And Daniel thinks he would really, really like to kiss Park Jihoon right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel knows he’s taking a risk when he books a fancy hotel for just a night. The security is tight, and there are just too many people around to bring Jihoon to the front counter to check in. So, with both of their bags, Daniel strides up to the counter.

 

“I’d like to book the suite for tonight, please,” he says.

 

The lady looks taken aback at Daniel’s request, given the state of his clothes. He admits, he looks nothing close to affording anything more than a backpacker’s hostel but he digs out a thick wad of cash from the bottom of his backpack.

 

“This should cover it, right?” he asks.

 

“D-definitely, Sir,” she bows her head in embarrassment, as if she’d been caught doing something wrong. “The suite just for yourself, Sir?”

 

“Yes, just me,” Daniel confirms, sliding his passport over for verification and taps his finger impatiently on the counter while waiting for her to finish. “Give me the room with the best view.”

 

“Here are your room keys, do feel free to contact room service should you need anything else.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel is nothing short of pleased when he unlocks the door to his room. Below, the city lights are glowing, and the cars look tiny from far above. He drops their backpacks near the door, and puts on a nicer dress shirt, just to look the part. He even sprays some cologne.

 

_(The one he knows drives Jihoon kind of crazy.)_

 

The bed is huge, and Daniel can’t wait to dip into the bathtub he catches a glance of. He could go on looking around the suite, but he has other matters to attend to.

 

And hell if he smiles, thinking how much Jihoon would love to stay in a suite like this, even if it’s just for one night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon’s getting a little cold waiting at a secluded back door of the hotel he doesn’t even know the name of. To be honest, Daniel has been acting weird the entire day. So when he had grabbed Jihoon’s things and made Jihoon promise to wait for him at the back door an hour ago, Jihoon didn’t even have the time to argue.

 

The back door clicks open, startling Jihoon, until he realises it’s just Daniel peeking out with a cheeky grin on his face.

 

Daniel motions for Jihoon to come in, and Jihoon gladly accepts.

 

“What the hell are we doing,” Jihoon hisses once Daniel pulls him inside.

 

“Shh,” Daniel shushes Jihoon. “Just follow me, and don’t say anything, okay?”

 

Jihoon’s annoyance only grows, but decides to listen to Daniel anyway. It’s more of _I wonder what this big puppy has in store for me now_ , and Jihoon is more than used to Daniel trying to surprise him.

 

He shouldn’t keep accepting these surprises, because it makes his heart twist in the strangest ways. He’s not happy – his heart is breaking whenever Daniel does something for him, because Jihoon knows he’ll never be able to give Daniel as much love as the other man has shown him.

 

They breeze past the main hall where most of the visitors are, and Jihoon keeps his gaze low, concentrating more on the strong grip Daniel’s right arm has around his waist.

 

Jihoon lets out a sigh of relief when they get to the lift lobby, until a deep voice from behind interrupts their moment.

 

“Sir?”

 

Only Daniel turns around, and Jihoon just keeps his head down.

 

“Will this person be staying in your room? We need to check his passport for security purposes if you are bringing him up,” the man from behind, a security guard, Jihoon assumes, says.

 

Jihoon’s heart starts to beat faster, and he’s sure he’s breaking out in cold sweat from the sheer proximity of being caught. He knows he can’t run away from the law forever, but he doesn’t want to be caught, at least not now.

 

“It will just be for a little while,” Daniel growls, tone almost threatening. “I assume it shouldn’t be a problem, since I have paid such a hefty price for the suite, am I right?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” the man sounds flustered at Daniel’s refusal to comply. “I just wanted to make sure… you were safe. Please don’t hesitate to call us if you need anything else.”

 

Fortunately, the lift dings, reaching their floor and Daniel guides Jihoon in.

 

“Thank you,” Daniel says to the guard. “But I want to be left alone, at least for tonight.”

 

The lift doors start to close, and Jihoon finally lifts his head, meeting the guard’s eyes for just a tenth of a second, and smiles when he sees something close to confusion and recognition flash across his eyes.

 

The lift doors slam shut, and Jihoon turns around immediately, capturing Daniel’s lips with his.

 

Daniel tastes so good, like always. Even though he tastes like cigarettes and the ice-cream they just ate down the road, he still tastes like Daniel. And he smells so good, it must be that cologne that Jihoon loves.

 

“Y-you,” Jihoon pants through their kiss. “Put on _that_ cologne, didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah,” Daniel smiles into their kiss, making Jihoon’s lips touch his teeth, and he breaks apart for just a moment. Daniel has that smirk on his face that Jihoon would very much love to punch off – like he knows, this is the smell that drives Jihoon crazy, even though he has never explicitly stated it before.

 

“ _Asshole_ ,” Jihoon snaps, but with no menace and digs his fingers into Daniel’s hair, making their lips crash together again.

 

“Jihoon-“ Daniel finally says, and breaks the kiss just when the lift doors open. Thankfully, there is no one in the hall. Jihoon steps back, admiring his work.

 

Daniel looks so out of it, with his lips already swollen from just kissing for a few seconds, cheeks flushed and hair messy.

 

“You are so going to regret that later,” Daniel threatens. “But first, take this.”

 

He hands Jihoon a white card, with the room number on it. Jihoon looks around, they’re on the 50th floor.

 

“You’re crazy,” Jihoon sputters.

 

“You haven’t even seen the room yet,” Daniel nudges Jihoon to the right.

 

Slowly, his legs start to function and he slots the key into the door. The light turns to green, and a short jingle greets Jihoon. With his hand on the handle of the door, Jihoon pushes the door open.

 

It’s gorgeous. The room is absolutely breath-taking, and he’s never seen anything like it. It’s even better than what he’s seen on television. The view is what makes Jihoon a little emotional – he doesn’t think he’s ever been so high up in a room where he can see the entire city beneath him.

 

“How is it?” Daniel prompts excitedly from behind him. “You like it?”

 

“Like it?” Jihoon repeats, turning around to face Daniel again. “I love it. I- Why did you do this?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Daniel grins, wrapping his arms around Jihoon’s waist and burying his head in the crook of Jihoon’s neck. “I wanted to spoil you, even if it’s just for a night.”

 

Jihoon stays like that for a while. It’s nice to be hugged, and just because Daniel had gone out his way to make Jihoon feels special, he lets himself indulge in the idea of him and Daniel, just for a little longer.

 

When Jihoon decides they’re hugging a little too long for comfort, he slowly squirms his way out to look around the suite.

 

“It’s a big bed,” Jihoon observes.

 

Behind him, Daniel giggles.

 

“Is this all just for the sex?” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

 

Daniel looks horrified, maybe even offended that Jihoon would think of him that way. Dramatically, he puts a hand on his chest, “I can’t believe you would ever think of me that way. I would never book a fancy suite just for-“

 

“Quit it,” Jihoon hits his chest lightly, walking to the bathroom, where there is a beautiful bathtub just begging to be used. Jihoon could probably use a warm bubble bath, it’s been forever since he had one of those. “I know you inside out.”

 

“Maybe 5% of my brain was thinking about the sex,” Daniel confesses. “But we don’t even have to do it if you don’t want to, really. I just wanted you to be comfortable for a night.”

 

Jihoon chuckles. Kang Daniel is just so innocent, how could he ever do without this man?

 

He cups Daniel’s cheeks in his hands, and says, “Let me take a bath first, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel is already under the covers when Jihoon comes out from the bath. The bathroom is foggy and misty when Jihoon leaves, and Daniel smiles, thinking about how happy Jihoon must have been to take a proper bath.

 

“Oh?” Jihoon raises his eyebrows when he sees Daniel staring at him. “Are we just going to sleep?”

 

“You smell so good,” Daniel compliments.

 

Jihoon slips on a white shirt and climbs onto the bed.

 

“What do you want, Kang Daniel?”

 

“I want you to kiss me,” Daniel confesses.

 

“Done deal,” Jihoon smiles, shifting himself to lie on top of Daniel, and leans down to softly peck Daniel’s lips. Daniel thinks of all the things he loves smelling on Jihoon – but this is his favourite. Clean, and peachy. The shampoo smells so good on Jihoon.

 

When Jihoon smiles, it’s like the sun is rising at night. For a moment, Daniel wonders if this is all a dream; to have a boy as pretty as Park Jihoon on top of him, kissing him so gently and softly like this.

 

And then he realises, this is no dream.

 

This is a nightmare – to have Jihoon so close to him, yet Daniel will never actually be able to have Jihoon for himself.

 

“Are we going to continue?” Jihoon’s voice falters a little when he realises Daniel isn’t making any other moves other than just continuing to kiss him and smile. “If not, we have to stop.”

 

_Can’t we just kiss without having sex._

 

_No_ , Daniel answers himself for Jihoon, because he already knows the answer. There’s never going to be anything more. Even if Jihoon doesn’t have anyone else to go to at the moment, he will never be with Daniel.

 

They’re just friends with benefits. Wait, they’re not even _friends_. They’re more like travelling partners, a more than dysfunctional pair that obviously want more than what they have now, but neither of them have the courage to push it.

 

Jihoon is too fucking important to risk.

 

“You’re underestimating me,” Daniel finally says, and reverses their positions. He tugs off his shirt, and then helps Jihoon with his. “I’ll make you feel good.”

 

“Then do it,” Jihoon challenges, staring him straight in the eye.

 

What Daniel really means is: _I’ll show you how much I love you, even if i can’t have you._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Breakfast?”

 

Jihoon’s half-awake when he hears Daniel’s voice. He’d woken up when Daniel made the room service call, and when Daniel had exited the shower, and when the doorbell rung, and Daniel had gone to collect the food.

 

“I have a headache,” Jihoon groans. “I think it’s your fault.”

 

“Which is why I ordered you breakfast,” Daniel attempts to calm Jihoon down. He knows how grumpy Jihoon gets the day after, and exactly how to deal with it. “Up for some French toast and scrambled eggs, _babe_?”

 

Jihoon knows the babe is just a joke on Daniel’s part, but he can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness thinking about how Daniel would probably love to call his future significant other something as cheesy as, “babe, or baby, or honey.”

 

For now, Jihoon is just going to be the one to receive it. _Until Daniel moves on._

 

“Yeah, I’ll just go brush my teeth,” Jihoon says, slipping off the bed.

 

“Stupid,” Jihoon mumbles to himself as he takes a look at himself after the previous night. Daniel had gone painfully slow, and left so many marks over his body. “I really hate you, Kang Daniel.”

 

Daniel smiles giddily at him when he exits.

 

“I look like I’ve been mauled to death by an angry bear,” Jihoon deadpans, sitting next to Daniel on the couch and automatically opening his mouth for Daniel to feed him.

 

“Sorry,” Daniel says while chewing on his food. “I guess we could just extend our stay here if you don’t want to go out?”

 

_Cheeky_.

 

“Whatever you say,” Jihoon returns the remark.

 

“Mean,” Daniel pouts. “You’re just in this for the money.”

 

“Maybe so,” Jihoon smiles.

 

If Daniel really knew him, he would know what Jihoon couldn’t give two fucks about how much money Daniel had. All he really cared about was how comfortable Daniel made him feel, and how alive he felt whenever a certain Kang Daniel was around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_We’re never going to end well_ , Daniel realises this one evening. No matter how many chances they get at meeting, trying this out, they’re never ever going to end on a good note. It’s like they’re somehow cursed to never be together.

 

It’s been close to three months since they’ve met, and Daniel only continues to fall for Park Jihoon even more each day.

 

Maybe it’s the more than casual sex they’ve been having, a lot of things have been feeling more intimate these days. Even if it’s just taking a bus out of the city, or just walking around the city at night when no one can see them, Daniel starts to feel that without either of them knowing, they might have transcended into something more.

 

Jihoon’s hands feel so soft when they’re around his. Daniel never wants to let go.

 

At the back of his mind, he remembers seeing posters and television notices on the news conducting a search for Park Jihoon a few days back, but hasn’t told the other boy yet. He doesn’t want to scare Jihoon, yet Daniel himself is scared out of his wits.

 

He’s so afraid to lose Jihoon.

 

“What are you thinking,” Jihoon slurs. He’s drunk.

 

Daniel should have kept the cans of beer for himself. Out of the four times they’ve drunk together, three times have not ended well. Jihoon is terrible at taking his alcohol.

 

“Just kiss me,” Jihoon commands, pulling Daniel closer. “Please?”

 

His breath smells of alcohol, but Daniel doesn’t mind. It’s still Park Jihoon lying down in front of him, asking Daniel to kiss him and hold him. He never hesitates when he’s around Jihoon. So why is he hesitating now?

 

“Hurts,” Jihoon mumbles into their kiss.

 

Daniel immediately breaks away.

 

“Huh?” he panics for a moment. “Where?”

 

“Here,” Jihoon points to the left side of his chest. “Inside.”

 

_Oh_.

 

“Is it me?” Daniel asks hesitantly.

 

After a while, Jihoon nods.

 

“It’s all your fault, Kang Daniel,” Jihoon says. “You’re hurting me by staying with me. But it hurts a lot more… when you’re away.”

 

Daniel brushes the hair away from Jihoon’s forehead.

 

“I’m sorry,” Daniel says, pressing a soft kiss to Jihoon’s forehead. “I’m really sorry.”

 

Jihoon wraps his arms around Daniel’s neck, bringing him down again.

 

“I love you.”

 

Daniel opens his eyes in surprise, but not before Jihoon presses their mouths together, and everything in Daniel’s brain goes haywire again. The alcohol, the nicotine, and Jihoon’s lips – the deadly combination of these three drives Daniel over the edge.

 

Until Jihoon says those three words.

 

Jihoon doesn’t seem to notice that he’s said those words, because his tongue is still in Daniel’s mouth, and his hands are travelling down Daniel’s back. It must be the buzz of the alcohol speaking for him, but for Daniel, that is enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I love you, Park Jihoon.”

 

Jihoon feels like he’s being sucked into a black hole, except that he’s blind and can’t see or feel anything except for the pain in his head. Daniel’s lips are moving down from his ears to his neck, and his hands are definitely under Jihoon’s shirt.

 

Somehow, it all makes sense. Even if the world is spinning so fast and Jihoon is dizzy, at this moment, everything makes sense. It just feels so right for Daniel’s hands to be on his body, and for Jihoon to be feeling this good with Daniel.

 

That is, until Daniel utters _those_ three words.

 

“What the fuck, Kang Daniel?”

 

Daniel unlatches his lips from Jihoon’s collarbone, not after kissing the now red spot.

 

“What?”

 

“Did you just say you loved me?” Jihoon is fully, and he doesn’t even know how, sober and awake right now. His heart is thumping so fast, not only from what they were doing earlier.

 

“Yeah?” Daniel pants, looking confused.

 

“Why the fuck did you say that?” Jihoon yells, pushing Daniel away and scooting over to the other end of the bed.

 

“You said it first!” Daniel defends himself. “You told me you loved me!”

 

“I-“ Jihoon tries to think back to just 5 minutes ago. He had said something about his heart hurting, and then Daniel had placed his soft lips on his forehead.

 

And for the first time, Jihoon felt that they could make this work. This – meaning a relationship. Him and Daniel, having a real, established relationship where they could kiss and hug without the intent of making love later.

 

And he had thought to himself, _“I love you.”_

 

Or maybe he had accidentally let it slip out.

 

“Well, you shouldn’t have said it back,” Jihoon snaps, the irrational side of him taking over.

 

Somehow, it makes him angry that Daniel had witnessed him when he was the most vulnerable.

 

“What the fuck are you saying?” Daniel frowns and grabs Jihoon’s wrist. “You said it to me first, of course I have the right to say it back. Why are you getting mad?”

 

“Because I don’t deserve someone like you!”

 

There’s a deafening silence that follows, and when Daniel is the first to break their eye-contact, Jihoon feels like he’s just been pushed off a cliff. Daniel puts his shirt back on, and even grabs his jacket. Without even another look back at Jihoon, Daniel leaves.

 

He slams the door on the way out. Hard.

 

Jihoon is still falling, and somehow it feels like Daniel won’t be there to catch him anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are some days where the cold is refreshing. And then there are days like tonight, where the wind is biting and the cold is bitter, an exact representation of Daniel’s feelings.

 

He regrets all his life choices immediately after he leaves the backpacker’s hostel. He wants to turn back because the weather is not helping him out, but thinks about having to face Jihoon and continues on his way out.

 

Daniel disappears into the nearest convenience store.

 

He can still smell Jihoon on him, and they haven’t done anything yet. Quickly, he grabs himself a pack of cigarettes and a can of beer and takes a seat inside.

 

He’d never meant to walk out on Jihoon. Never in his life would he place a bet on himself walking away from Park Jihoon, the love of his life. But why is life being especially hard on him today?

 

“Fuck,” Daniel hisses, slamming his can down and crumpling it with sheer strength from the anger within himself.

 

He’s not mad at Jihoon, or anyone.

 

Daniel’s just mad at the whole situation – how he’d been so stupid to not see all of this coming when they first established the boundaries between them. He’d been a fool, a complete idiot to think that there was no way he would fall for Jihoon. As if no feelings would be developed when the only person that has kept him sane all these months is Park Jihoon.

 

Just when he’d thought they were getting somewhere, Jihoon had to slap him in the face with a reality check that there was no way he wanted a relationship.

 

Life is cruel, the wind is cold, and his heart is empty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Jihoon?”

 

His voice falters for a second, and wishes it didn’t. How is he always so weak with matters concerning the other man? The door creaks open, as it does with all the other hostels they have roomed in. But this time, Daniel has a heavy sense of foreboding.

 

“Jihoon?”

 

Daniel calls out the other boy’s name again. There’s no answer, so he steps into the room and expects to see a mop of brown hair on the bed, or maybe on the floor.

 

But the room is empty.

 

For a moment, Daniel thinks he’s in the wrong room. But then he sees their clothes hung up behind the door and the sheets that haven’t been made.

 

_Jihoon isn’t here._

 

Daniel checks the bathroom, and finds nothing. His mind starts to run to places, and his heart drops when he thinks about Jihoon getting caught by the police while he was away.

 

There’s no way, he convinces himself. The police would still be here if they came earlier, Daniel wasn’t gone for long. He didn’t see any police cars down the road. Besides, this is a very secluded part of the city. He’s being extra careful now, knowing there are more people on the search for Jihoon.

 

Daniel manages to rationalize, and rests assured that Jihoon hasn’t been discovered yet.

 

And then, his heart drops thinking something much, much worse could have happened.

 

Jihoon could have walked out on him, completely. Decided to leave all his things behind and never come back. Thinking back to how livid Jihoon seemed when Daniel had said those words to him, the situation is completely possible.

 

Daniel slumps against the bed, butt hitting the floor hard when he realises the severity of the situation. He gathers his head between his knees and sobs. He doesn’t know where the tears come from, or why he’s crying, but he cries like the only thing he knows how to do is cry.

 

If he could, he’d beg Jihoon to come back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A strange noise greets Jihoon at the door. He hesitates, wondering if anyone had entered while he was gone. He’s rarely alone, Daniel is usually the one heading out for him.

 

Jihoon had taken a walk to cool off, then popped into the nearby convenience store to see if by any chance, Daniel was there. He wasn’t. Disappointed, he trudges back to their hostel, not before grabbing a pack of gum that he knows Daniel likes.

 

Daniel wouldn’t just leave Jihoon to fend for himself no matter how mad he was, _right?_

 

Hesitantly, Jihoon turns the door knob slowly and peeks in.

 

“Daniel?”

 

Jihoon crumbles to his knees when Daniel lifts his head.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jihoon curses, drops the plastic bag at the door and rushes to Daniel’s side.

 

“I’m sorry,” Daniel croaks. “I know I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you, and I shouldn’t have walked out on you. That was shitty of me.”

 

“Shut up,” Jihoon mumbles, wrapping Daniel in the biggest hug he can manage. “Don’t you ever say sorry to me again. And that’s the rule.”

 

Daniel nods, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

 

“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ ,” Jihoon chants, wiping Daniel’s tears away with his thumbs. “Don’t cry, please. This is all my fault.”

 

After what seems like forever, Daniel smiles.

 

“I’m acting like a big baby right now, aren’t I? I thought you had walked out and left me alone f-forever,” Daniel chokes out a sob while managing to laugh.

 

“I would never,” Jihoon says. “I could never. You mean so much to me, Kang Daniel.”

 

“Do you really mean that?” Daniel asks, grip around Jihoon’s waist tightening.

 

It’s so wrong, but Jihoon nods.

 

“Then prove it,” Daniel says.

 

Jihoon decides that he’s going to fuck it all, and do what he’s always wanted to do. About the rules and boundaries he’d established months back, he decides to destroy them all and focus on the boy in front of him.

 

First, he starts with kissing Daniel’s forehead.

 

Then, his cute nose.

 

Then, his squishy cheeks.

 

And finally, his cherry pink lips.

 

“Thank God,” Daniel sighs against his kiss, and Jihoon rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder, wishing that they could at least have a happy ending, even though deep down he knows it’s impossible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night, when Daniel falls asleep, snoring loudly while spooning Jihoon from behind, Jihoon decides that the grey area is bigger than ever.

 

Yet, it is comforting. All they have done tonight is cuddle under the sheets, their bodies close to the other to stay warm. Jihoon wonders how nice it would be, if they could remain like this forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You did what?” Jihoon gasps one bright and sunny morning.

 

“I rented us a car,” Daniel repeats, thinking Jihoon just hadn’t heard him the first time, when he was just in disbelief at Daniel’s words. “Why?”

 

“ _Because_ ,” Jihoon tries to point out the obvious. “It’s expensive?”

 

Daniel waves him off, “You know I am made of money.”

 

Jihoon just shakes his head, and follows Daniel down to check-out. Truth to be told, there is a red car waiting for them at the entrance of the hostel. Jihoon doesn’t know much about cars, but he thinks anything with an open roof is going to cost a bomb.

 

“I’m starting to doubt we’re backpackers,” Jihoon muses, already halfway into the passenger seat. “Are you sure this place is safe? I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

 

“Just relax,” Daniel says, squeezing Jihoon’s thigh once he loads their backpacks into the back and slides into the driver’s seat. He presses a button that starts the engine, and hands Jihoon a pair of sunglasses, while putting on a matching pair.

 

“You are impossible,” Jihoon giggles, putting it on anyway.

 

“Ready?” Daniel turns to Jihoon to ask.

 

Jihoon returns a confident smile.

 

Just for once, he can let loose and enjoy the moment.

 

“I was born ready.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon is so beautiful, especially under the sunlight. They’re finally escaping the cold, and Daniel thanks the heavens for providing them with such beautiful weather to have a road trip in.

 

The radio is on full blast, and Jihoon is thoroughly enjoying himself, Daniel can tell.

 

His voice is beautiful, and even though Jihoon doesn’t sing loudly, he hums along to the melody and sings a few verses of the songs he is familiar with. The strong but refreshing wind completely messes up their hair, but they’re having fun, and Daniel finds himself smiling a lot more today.

 

“Having fun?” he asks Jihoon, who is gazing out into the distance.

 

“The most I’ve had in my entire life,” Jihoon leans over to peck Daniel on the cheek. “That’s a present, don’t take it for granted.”

 

The lines are still blurred, but Jihoon is starting to close one eye when it comes to intimacy between them. Maybe it’s because Jihoon’s heart is softening, or he knows that their time together is slowly coming to an end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shit,” is all Daniel says for the mood to drop completely.

 

Jihoon looks ahead, and understands exactly why Daniel has slowed down. Ahead, there is a line of cars that have been stopped by who looks like the local police.

 

“It’s just a random check,” Daniel assures Jihoon. “They do this all the time. You have your ID, right?”

 

Jihoon nods numbly, taking out the fake ID Daniel had helped him to make when they had first met. He hasn’t used this in a while, and the picture looks a little dated. Jihoon can’t hide his nervousness when the officer signals for Daniel to move forward.

 

“Don’t worry, just trust me,” Daniel says before driving ahead and making a stop next to the checkpoint.

 

“Afternoon, officer,” Daniel greets with his million-dollar smile that is bound to buy anyone over.

 

“Hello, gentlemen,” the officer muses, accepting the IDs that Jihoon hands over to him. “Going on a ride today?”

 

“Yep,” Daniel replies chirpily. “We’re actually rushing somewhere.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make this quick,” the officer quickly disappears into a small office. Once he’s gone, Daniel grabs Jihoon’s hand and squeezes it encouragingly.

 

Jihoon responds with a quick smile, when the officer returns.

 

“I’m going to have to ask you to take off your sunglasses for ah- security reasons,” the officer says, handing their IDs back to them. “Just got to make sure it’s you in your passport. Then you can go.”

 

Daniel removes his casually, and Jihoon’s hands shake as he starts to take his sunglasses off.

 

All he can think about is: not now, not when we’re just starting to figure things out between us.

 

“Give me a moment,” the officer’s expression suddenly turns serious, and calls over an officer from the opposite end. Jihoon turns to Daniel, panicked.

 

He does not have a good feeling about this.

 

When the other officer comes around, they share whispers and glances at Jihoon, and Jihoon knows he has to get out of here, now.

 

_“Daniel, go.”_

 

The officers walk towards their car again, and Daniel starts the engine, a tad bit late.

 

“Go!”

 

They speed off as soon as Daniel floors the accelerator, and Jihoon grabs onto the nearest thing to steady himself. He hears shouting behind him, and then police sirens in the background. Daniel isn’t letting up on the accelerator, and Jihoon can see the speed meter increasing.

 

Jihoon prays, that they’ll be let off this time.

 

Or maybe, he prays that this will all finally come to an end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon sobs when they turn into a secluded corner after a few minutes pass and they don’t see or hear the police after them anymore. The adrenaline from before transforms into anxiety, and fear of getting caught.

 

“We’re okay,” Daniel assures him. “Jihoon, we’re safe.”

 

“Not you,” Jihoon shakes his head. “Now you’re on the radar too, and it’s all my fault.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Daniel insists. “I’m with you, no matter good or bad.”

 

Jihoon lets Daniel wrap him in one of his hugs, because those make him feel like they’re going to be okay, even when they’re not.

 

“Park Jihoon,” Daniel says after Jihoon calms down. “Listen to me. If it’s not with you, it doesn’t matter. Let’s be together till the end, okay?”

 

Jihoon feels like a child when Daniel forces him to link their pinky fingers together, but the smile on Daniel’s face convinces him that everything will turn out fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“The murderer of the couple in Canada four months ago, Park Jihoon, has just been sighted this afternoon, along with his newly suspected accomplice, Kang Daniel. The two were sighted along the highway of-“_

 

Daniel groans, and turns off the television immediately. He absolutely does not need to be reminded that he is now a wanted criminal.

 

He glances behind him, and sees that Jihoon has finally fallen asleep. Slowly so as to not wake Jihoon, Daniel pulls the blanket over the boy, satisfied when Jihoon moves closer to his side.

 

Stroking Jihoon’s hair gently, Daniel carefully plots his next move.

 

He can’t even bear to think about how much his family much be suffering because of the news. Their company’s stocks must have taken a drastic fall, after knowing that their son is the accomplice in helping a murderer escape.

 

However, Daniel gets angry when he thinks about that.

 

_Jihoon is not a murderer. Jihoon did not have a choice. It’s not Jihoon’s fault._ His aunt and uncle had merely pushed him to his breaking point – in Daniel’s eyes, all Jihoon did was serve justice to those who had done wrong unto him.

 

The Park Jihoon he knows would never hurt a fly if he didn’t have to.

 

He gets angry at his family too – for allowing him to walk out of the house so easily months ago. Daniel had wanted to become a photographer, but apparently that was too unbecoming of a boy who had to become a CEO of a company. Daniel had severed ties with his family, grabbed his share of the inheritance, and took the first plane out of Korea.

 

With Jihoon, he never feels like he has to be anything more than himself. Jihoon has accepted him for who he is, and home is where Park Jihoon is.

 

“I love you,” he whispers into the smaller boy’s ear.

 

Hopefully, Daniel’s heart reaches Jihoon’s dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It happens so suddenly, Jihoon doesn’t even know how to react. He should have known, that they would have never gotten far when their faces and car plate number is all over the news.

 

They manage to escape a few more times, but it comes to a point where Jihoon himself becomes exhausted.

 

That night, there’s an unsettling feeling in his stomach. He tosses and turns in their bed that they had somehow managed to get even after a mass search is being conducted for them all over the country.

 

Daniel is usually not a light sleeper, so it surprises Jihoon when the other boy wakes up when he shifts around in bed.

 

“Hey, you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Jihoon manages.

 

Daniel’s hand searches for his in the dark.

 

“Go to sleep,” Daniel urges.

 

“Can’t,” Jihoon sighs.

 

“Come here,” Daniel tucks an arm behind Jihoon’s head, not caring if it’s going to be numb later on. Jihoon relaxes a little when he takes in a whiff of Daniel’s smell.

 

_Home_.

 

Jihoon moves in closer, until their bodies are pressed together.

 

He thinks he sleeps for an hour or two, before he awakes to the sight of red and blue lights shining through their window. Jihoon blinks, staring blankly at the ceiling and listening to the ruckus below. His survival instincts don’t kick in, and he just stays lying down next to Daniel.

 

There’s nowhere else for them to run – it would all be a useless attempt, anyway.

 

Jihoon turns his head to the side, and finds that Daniel is awake too, staring at the ceiling.

 

“Must be the fucking lady downstairs who ratted us out,” Daniel manages to say.

 

Jihoon smiles.

 

“I don’t know why she couldn’t wait till morning,” Jihoon adds on. “At least get two grown men get their sleep, right?”

 

Daniel chuckles, burying his nose into Jihoon’s hair.

 

“Yeah,” comes his deep voice. “She could just shut up and use our money to pay for this rundown place. The toilet doesn’t even flush well. The audacity.”

 

“I found a used condom under the bed just now, talk about hygiene,” Jihoon scrunches his nose.

 

He hears voices downstairs now. It’s only a matter of time before they come up the stairs and discover Daniel and him lying down in bed together, with no intent of running away.

 

“Are you sure it wasn’t ours?” Daniel teases.

 

Jihoon pretends to gag, “You are so gross. We didn’t even do it.”

 

Jihoon hears the stairs creaking, a sign of people and how rundown this place is.

 

“Should we sit up?” Daniel asks.

 

Daniel helps Jihoon sit up, and Jihoon can finally see the other boy properly now.

 

“Four fucking months,” Daniel marvels. “We managed to run from the law for four months. Any idea how amazing that is? We’re practically geniuses.”

 

Jihoon smiles bitterly. He hears people giving orders to break into their room.

 

“It was the adventure of a lifetime,” Jihoon agrees.

 

_“3.”_

 

Jihoon intertwines their fingers together.

 

“And I want to thank you, Kang Daniel.”

 

_“2.”_

 

“For coming along with me.”

 

_“1.”_

 

“It was my absolute pleasure, Park Jihoon.”

 

The door breaks down, the police pile in with their guns and cuff their hands together tightly behind their backs. Even through all this, Jihoon doesn’t let his gaze leave Daniel. They are separated forcefully, and Jihoon doesn’t even have the strength to retaliate anymore, even if he wants to scream:

 

And ask: _why the world is so unkind to him?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It kills Jihoon, to see Daniel being handcuffed like he’s a criminal.

 

It’s all his fault, that Daniel is being implicated as well.

 

The police are still taking notes with the lady that tipped them off, and Jihoon waits silently beside the police car for them to finish.

 

Suddenly, it feels like time has frozen. Jihoon has spent the last four months running and rushing from place to place. Even his relationship with Daniel felt rushed and too fast. But now, when they’re facing each other on opposite ends of the road, Jihoon finally feels that time is on his side.

 

When Daniel smiles, Jihoon runs.

 

Not away – he’s done enough of that for now.

 

Jihoon runs towards Daniel, even with his hands cuffed behind his back. For a moment, the officers are too shocked to do anything.

 

Jihoon kisses Daniel hard. It’s nothing like their previous kisses. Daniel seems shocked for a moment, then leans in and Jihoon wonders how the hell did this man manage to take away his breath every single time.

 

He hates how Daniel tastes like he always does. He’s going to miss the smell of cigarettes on Daniel’s clothes and the way he knows Jihoon likes to be kissed. He’s going to miss being woken up by Daniel’s noisy snores and the way he kicks people in his sleep. He’s going to miss having breakfast with someone. And he’s going to miss having someone to climb hills and go on road trips with.

 

Most of all, Jihoon is just going to miss Daniel.

 

Time is kind to Jihoon, and when he breaks away from their kiss, Daniel has tears in his eyes.

 

“I loved you, Kang Daniel,” Jihoon says, the officers pulling him back. He stands his grounds to say his last words. There are men trying to pull Daniel away from Jihoon to, but Daniel stays.

 

_He always does._

 

“I loved you since the start,” Jihoon confesses. “I was just too afraid to say it. I’m sorry, for not telling you earlier.”

 

“Park Jihoon,” Daniel fights against the five men who are pulling him back. “It’s okay, I’ve known since the very start.”

 

And then, Jihoon can’t fight back anymore. He lets the officers drag him away from Daniel, but not until he memorises and engraves every single feature, every single mole of Daniel’s into his memory, and wills himself to never, ever forget the man who taught him that the world could be kind sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel shouts, and screams, until the police have to pin him down to the ground. Everything hurts, and Daniel finally understands what Jihoon was talking about. Most of all, his heart hurts. His insides feel funny, and his mind goes blank when he sees Jihoon being forced into the back of a police car.

 

Daniel breaks down when the car drives away into the night, never to be seen again.

 

“I know,” Daniel sobs, his tears hitting the road hard. “I’ve known since the beginning.”

 

Daniel’s not sure how long more he’s going to live, or how many more people he’s going to meet in this lifetime. But one thing is for sure – he’s never going to love someone as hard as he’d loved Park Jihoon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Months pass, maybe even years.

 

Jihoon isn’t even trying to keep track anymore.

 

It doesn’t matter, anyway. Jihoon is waiting for anything, or anyone. He’s just trying to live each day as it is.

 

At first, it was difficult, dealing with the court case and having to be sentenced to jail. It was hard to stand in a room and felt that everyone was against him. He’d missed Daniel the most then – the other boy never failed to stand on Jihoon’s side, and make him feel wanted.

 

It was hard, to not wake up next to Daniel’s face after four months. To not feel the arm across his frame and the smell of home envelope him in the morning, it hurt and Jihoon felt like he’d wanted to give it all up.

 

It is in jail where Jihoon learns the phrase, “ride or die”.

 

His cellmate had used that term to describe the relationship between him and Daniel when he had poured out his entire story one night.

 

_Ride or die_ , as Jihoon understands, is someone that will ride through anything with you, or die trying.

 

That’s exactly what Daniel and Jihoon were – ride or die partners.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon tidies his bed; there’s not much to do anyway. But cleaning up takes his mind off Daniel for a while. Then, he sits down, with his back against the wall, and stares at the bars before him.

 

Jihoon dreams, about what his life would be like with Daniel if they never got caught.

 

In another life, maybe they would be luckier. Maybe they would be allowed to be together, and maybe in that life, they could have a better ending than this one.

 

The sound of footsteps jolt Jihoon out of his daydream.

 

The prison guard peers down at him.

 

“Park Jihoon?

 

“Yes?”

 

“You have a visitor.”

**Author's Note:**

> wow!! that happened!!
> 
> tysm for reading through all 10k words ahh i have no words to express how blessed i really am to have real people out there reading my stories and it really puts a smile on my face on my worst days. 
> 
> do let me know what you thought of this story/or if you really just want to scream at me that's fine as well, but thank you for reading again!!
> 
> you can talk to me and be my friend on twitter @bapaldeul <3


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